The question most mothers ask, suddenly in the middle of the day: “Where am I? ”!!! She is shocked, she is frozen, and she slowly disappears from her real identity. In the process of becoming available to everyone and doing everything for everyone, she slowly disappears. It does not happen suddenly in the middle of the night. It happens slowly and gradually, and the painful thing about it is that it happens silently. A mother becomes so busy with her kids and family that she forgets she has an identity of her own. She, too, can live for herself. She too can pamper herself. There are people around her who can also take care of her. Motherhood is the most beautiful journey for women!! It is her life’s by far biggest and most marvelous transformation. But with this transformation, she forgets her true self.
She becomes invisible to the people she cares about. She starts living in guilt and is ashamed to admit it. Once a confident girl, she suddenly became a woman who hides resentment and carries the burden of emotion. Before being a mom, she was a woman with her own identity, dreams, goals, and ambition. She was chasing after her goal, having her me time, following her passion, and enjoying her hobby. After entering motherhood, her life filled with more joy. Waking up early and sleeping late became her new routine, one she started loving, not knowing that she was silently giving herself away in pieces. Her talks now only include her children; she will not leave the room, and she feels like a stranger when she sees her reflection. She is omnipresent for her children but absent for herself. The identity loss began gradually and not dramatically.
A mother is a shock absorber of the family. If someone is angry, she will be calm; if someone is upset, she is a listener. She is the person to whom everyone in the family can vent out. She is an emotional taker machine who absorbs everyone’s emotions, but no one is available to her. She burned out silently, feeling she might be judged by society. People often say she breaks things down into small things, she wants to run away from responsibility, and she is irritated for no reason!! Hello!! She is not doing anything without reason. She is burned out emotionally, she has developed emotional fatigue, and she wants to run from pressure and not from love. Yet she chooses to suffer in silence.
Looking back, she finds herself a free, laughing woman doing everything without being judged. Now she resides in fear that she will be judged if she has some alone time. She will be judged for loving her children less because she chose to have her own space, and she will be called selfish if she chooses to pursue her ambition. Motherhood has consumed her completely, and she has forgotten her true self. She is buried under expectations; she hides herself behind the responsibilities. She burns out, forgetting what truly makes her happy, what was the thing that mattered to her the most.
It’s time to reconnect with your old self. Taking time out for herself without feeling guilty, she should reconnect with her goals and hobbies and try to pursue them, taking baby steps. Most importantly, she should learn to say NO whenever necessary. Prioritizing oneself helps the family strengthen and avoid neglect. She is teaching her children that love and boundaries can both coexist. The most important lesson she teaches her children is that WOMEN are also individuals with their own identities.
Awareness is the most important aspect of motherhood. As a mother, you should be aware of who you truly are. Silent burnout can turn a mother into less confident, always judging herself. But it does not define her whole journey. She should understand that she is allowed to rest, to be the person she always wanted, apart from her mother, and to have her own existence. As a mother, you find yourself buried in responsibilities, but NO, you are just layered and not GONE. Motherhood is the most important part of a woman’s life, but it should not erase her identity or true self. In finding your true self and following your dreams, you are not abandoning the mother in you; you are honoring a woman inside you.